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I felt as though my heart was beating it’s way out of my chest. Even though the basement was cool, I felt an almost unbearable heat flow through my body, straight to my face. I was flattered. I was uneasy. He continued as he sat down. ‘I know I’m risking everything telling you this. But I just felt like you needed to know.’ I looked down. ‘I can’t do that to Selena. What am I supposed to do with all of this? It’s just too much.’ I turned and looked at him. ‘How can you say that love two women at the same time?’ I asked. He replied, ‘You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to. That’s not what this is about. I love Selena. I don’t want to leave her. I just wanted you to know that I love you too. I don’t understand it much myself. I want to always be here for you when you need me, though.’ His phone rang. It was Selena. That was my chance to head back upstairs and get out of there. On my way up, I heard him say, ‘Yeah. I’ll tell her.’ Seconds later, Marcus ran up the stairs. I. I am ready. I barely sleep this evening and soon the warm sun shines into my eyes. It is now Saturday. By midnight, I will be dead. I did not eat last night and will only drink water today. I have some anti-nausea pills and will take my percs and ecstasy at around 5pm. I spent the day looking at videos of my wife and going over my plans. The day whirls past as if to spare me time to come to my senses. I fully admit that my mind is warped and the darkness of my wife’s death has blurred all manner of reality. If during the process, I feel even the hint of backing out, I will have to remind myself that there is no other way. As I swallow my pills, I feel so at ease and committed to this unspeakable plan. I can feel the percs taking hold and the ecstasy gives me the euphoric false courage that I will need to end my life. I walk up the stairs to the Death Room and my penis is fully erect. It is unbelievable that at the moment of death, the body strives to fulfill it’s one true reason for.
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